funny joke collection

Neta ji gaanv mein sabha karne ja rahe the lekin gaanv se pehle hi unki car ke neeche ek kutta aa gaya.

Kutta mar gaya lekin car bhi accident ki wajah se kharab ho gayi

Neta ji ne driver ko madad laane ke liye gaanv mein bheja.

Thodi der baad jab driver lauta to uske gale mein dher saari malayein padi thi.

Neta ji ne poochha ki toone aisa kya kiya jo tera itna samman hua?

Maine to sirf itna kaha ki neta ji ki car ka accident ho gaua hai.....

Kutta mar gaya....

3 dost daaru peete rahe the..

Boy 1 - Bhai hum log bullet se Laddakh chalenge.

Boy 2 - Haan bhai chalenge.

Boy 3 - Lekin kaise chalenge apne paas to cycle bhi nahi hai?

Boy 1& 2 - Saale hamein pata tha tu

Daaru nahi pee raha hai khaali namkeen kha raha hai.

Husband Wife chori ke topic par baat kar rahe the

Husband : Jo insan chori karta hai, wo baad mein zarur pachhtaata hai.

Wife (romantic mood mein) : Aur tumne jo shaadi se pehle meri neendein churaai thi unke baare mein kya khayal hai?

Husband: Keh to raha hoon, jo chori karta hai wo baad mein pachhtata zarur hai.

Patni ki raat ko achanak 2 baje neend khuli to paaya ki pati bed par nahi hai

Khojne par pati dining table par baithe huye dikha

Pati hath mein coffee ka cup lekar soch mein doobe huye deewar ko ghoor rahe the.

Patni chupchap pati ko coffee ki chuski lete huye baar baar aansu ponchhte dekhti rahi.

Phir patni pati ke paas gayi aur boli "Kya baat hai dear? tum itni raat mein yahan kya kar rahe ho?"

Pati ne nazar uthaai aur kaha "Tumhein yaad hai 14 saal pehle jab tum sirg 18 saal ki thi?"

Patni bhaav vibhor ho gayi aur boli "Haan yaad hai"

Kuchh ruk kar pati bola "Yaad hai jab tumhare judge pitaji ne hamein meri car mein ghoomte huye dekh liya tha"

Patni "Haan haan yaad hai"

Pati "Yaad hai tab unhone mujhe dhamkaya tha aur kaha tha is-se shaadi kar lo nahi to tumhein 14 saal ke liye andar kara doonga"

Patni "Haan haan woh bhio yaad hai"

Pati apni aankh se aansu pochhte huye bola "Aaj main jail se chhoot gaya hota"

Santa videsh gaya hua tha

Ek gori ladki ko dekh ke bola

Santa – aapka kya name hai?

Ladki – Carmen..

Santa – Ye kaisa name hai?

Ladki – Muje car aur men acche lagte hai na

isliye Carmen,,, aapka kya name hai?

Santa – Ladyindar Singh Kissiya

Ladki behosh :

लड़की ख़ुशी से उछलते हुए घर में आयी

लड़की – एक ख़ुशी की बात है

माँ – क्या ?

लड़की – आज एक लड़के ने मुझे किस किया

माँ – क्या ?

अभी से ऐसी हरकतें करती है

लड़की – सॉरी मम्मा….

माँ – ठीक है, आगे से ध्यान रखना

लड़की – माँ मैं आगे से तो पूरा ध्यान रखती हूँ

वो पीछे से आके किस करता है :)

माँ बेहोश :)

Ladki khusi se uchalte hue ghar me aayi

Ladki – ek khushi ki bat hai

Maa – kya ?

Ladki – aaj ek ladke ne muje kiss kiya

Maa – kya ?

abhi se aisi harkate karti hai

Ladki – sorry mamma…

Maa – thik hai., aage se dhyan rkhna

Ladki – maa me aage se to pura dhyan rkhti hu

wo piche se aake kiss krta hai,,, :)

Maa behosh

लड़का ट्यूशन में लड़की को पटाने की कोशिश करता है

लड़का – देखो मेरी घडी जादुई है

लड़की – कैसे ?

लड़का – ये सब कुछ सच सच बता देती है

लड़की – मेरे बारे में बताना

लड़का – आज तुमको एक लड़के ने प्रोपोस किया है

लड़की – नहीं मुझे तो किसी ने नहीं किया

लड़का – ओह ये घडी 10 मिनट फ़ास्ट है :) :)

Ladka tution me ladki ko patane ki koshish krta hai

Ladka – dekho meri ghdi jadui hai

Ladki – kaise

Ladka – ye sab kuch sach sach bta deti hai

                                                                    Ladki – mere bare me btana

                                                                      Ladka – aaj tumko ek ladke ne propose kiya hai

                                                                             Ladki – nhi muje to kisi ne nahi kiya

                                                     Ladka – ohh ye ghadi 10 min fast hai 

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!" The doctor says, "I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages." "Nah," she says, "that's okay. We're never going back to that restaurant anyway."

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.

Teacher: What is the name of the capital city of Punjab ?

Pappu: Amritsar.

Teacher: Pappu, you are wrong, you need to focus more on your studies.

Pappu: Please madam, can I ask you a few questions.

Teacher: Yes, go ahead.

Pappu: Do you know Jeeto ?

Teacher: No.

Pappu: Do you know Preeto ?

Teacher: No.

Pappu: Do you know Banto?

Teacher: (Angry) Hell no! Who are all these people and why do you ask ?

Pappu: Teacher, you need to Focus more on your husband.