Choosing your life partner — The person you want to spend the rest of your days with — is one of the most important decisions you'll make in your life. Living most of your life with the person you love can be a joyous, mutually-fulfilling experience, but finding and choosing the right person can be a monumental task. Luckily, it's something that most people go through, so you're not alone: in the U.S., people who have never been married and never want to be married amount to only 5% of the total population.[1] By having a realistic idea of the kind of person that is right for you, making a strong effort to find this person, and committing to your relationship, you too can share the rest of your life with someone you love. I've long felt that choosing a life partner should be a subject that is thoroughly discussed sometime in high school and perhaps even in university. It amazes me that so little time, if any, is given to considering this topic on a meaningful level in school.
Be yourself — You're looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with, so isn't it reasonable to assume that both you and your potential life partner should be completely open about who you are? In fact, many people are unwilling to completely "open up" until they've gotten to know someone intimately. If you can stomach the idea, try to be completely true to yourself from the very get-go through all the stages of a relationship: asking someone out, going on your first few dates, getting to know each other more closely, committing to each other, and beyond! By doing this, you give your partner the chance to fall in love with the real you, rather than forcing them to "hold on" until you're comfortable being yourself.
Take your time —Important decisionsIf you rush into these decisions, you run the risk of finding yourself in situations you aren't prepared for with someone who may or may not be on the same page as you in terms of life priorities. You'll definitely want to avoid becoming intimately involved with a potential partner until you get to know the person. While it's certainly possible to turn a casual relationship into something more serious, sexual intimacy shouldn't be the foundation for long-term happiness. Though sexual attraction and compatibility are key to a good long-term relationship, waiting allows you to gain a better understanding of whether you are compatible.
Emotional Health and Well-Being — My feeling is that most people who get married in modern society don't have the foresight and life experience needed to make the best possible choice.I'm sure that some people are quite thoughtful and wise in choosing a life partner, but from my little spot on the planet, it looks like most of us, myself included, rely mainly on our instincts to choose the one person we want to be with forever.
. Be careful of jumping into a committed relationship right off the bat — It can be tempting to jump into a committed relationship quickly when you find someone you have a fiery connection with. However, you don't really know that person yet and you're getting emotionally invested in someone that you don't know much about. As time progresses, you may find out things that you really don't like or that you're truly not compatible with this person. Because you invested so much emotional energy quickly, this can hurt a lot more than it would have if you had taken time to get to know the person before putting your whole heart in to the relationship. When we're in the "romantic" stages of the beginning of a relationship, we are often making choices out of lust and fantasy-like projections instead of reality and logic
Have an accurate view of yourself.—The journey to finding a life partner starts with you! To know who will be best for you, you've got to know exactly who you are. Know what you like, what you don't like, what you're good at, and what you're bad at. Know what you want out of life and what you want from your partner. Be realistic and honest with yourself. If you're having a hard time examining yourself, try asking your closest friends to help you.
Do you like him —The challenge is in knowing if what you are feeling is genuine like or fool's like, which I think is a symptom of being intoxicated with lust; healthy and respectful lust is great, of course, but probably not the best primary source of fuel to maintain a healthy relationship over the long term. How do you know if you genuinely like and admire him? Ask yourself if you would want your child or future child to marry someone like him. And in answering this question, think about how he consistently behaves, not what he says.
People tend to be bad at knowing what they want from a relationship —Studies have shown people to be generally bad, when single, at predicting what later turn out to be their actual relationship preferences. One study found that speed daters questioned about their relationship preferences usually prove themselves wrong just minutes later with what they show to prefer in the actual event. This shouldn’t be a surprise—in life, you usually don’t get good at something until you’ve done it a bunch of times. Unfortunately, not many people have a chance to be in more than a few, if any, serious relationships before they make their big decision. There’s just not enough time. And given that a person’s partnership persona and relationship needs are often quite different from the way they are as a single person, it’s hard as a single person to really know what you want or need from a relationship.
. Don't make choices out of fear — So many times people either choose a partner or stay with someone in an unhappy relationship predominantly out of some kind of fear. Usually that fear is being alone but fears can vary widely from person to person. It's often better to be alone and wait for the right person than to make a decision out of fear. Making decisions out of fear leads to confusion, anxiety and a general feeling of something being amiss.
Look for qualities that are the foundation of a good partnership, throw the tiny details out —The qualities of a person that help to build the foundation of a good partnership are: Empathy, integrity, honesty, reliability, kindness and emotional generosity. If you find these qualities in someone, be curious about pursuing it further, even if they may not seem like your type on the surface. Other criteria, like "sense of humor," "world traveler," and "good dancer" are nice-to-haves but don't necessarily have to be there for you to be happy in your relationship
Why do you like her? —I think most would agree that being aesthetically pleasing, having a trust fund, and taking good care of you are not enough sustenance for a healthy long term marriage. Nor are any other reasons that belong in the "what can she do for me" category. She can make you spontaneously laugh from your belly? You admire the way she treats others, especially in instances when she doesn't realize that you are aware of what she is doing? She inspires you to strengthen your character? You respect her work ethic? Here and there, her thoughts prompt you to consider a new perspective? Now we're talking about some powerful fuel to sustain feelings of respect, genuine like, and even adoration for a lifetime.
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